no i’m not gonna lend you my pencil because if i lend you my pencil then you’ll want my calculator and then you’ll want austria and czechoslovakia and then you’ll end up invading poland and i will not have that shit
today I learned that if you want to slash someone’s tires, don’t slash all four; only slash three because if you slash all four their insurance will pay for it but if you only slash three they have to pay for it all out of pocket
Whenever I hear people say that classical music is boring I just want to remind them that Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture called for a cannon to be fired a total of 16 times.
remove cattle from stage
that’s not even the best partkey terms include:
- “balance your chair on two legs”
- "continue swimming motion"
- "insert peanuts"
- "play ball!"
- "release the penguins"
- "gradually become agitated"
- "light explosives now….. and….. ….. now."
i am 0% the person i was three years ago and i would probably get in a fight with 2011 me